Please folks, if I gave you advice on financial decisions, food selection, roofing materials or what kind of flatware…Posted by Bangor Maine Police Department on Wednesday, March 23, 2016 The Police Department of Bangor, ME recently posted a long message on their social media account, which mainly focused on a series of vehicle break-ins throughout the small city. Written by an officer, the note is quite wordy in structure, talking about how to cook lobster, naming children, and, interestingly enough, the jam band Phish.There’s a full two-paragraph side note written directly for phans, which praises them for being cleaner than most concert attendees though disapproving of the parking lot nitrous oxide situation. Phish last played in Bangor, ME on July 3rd, 2013, and this officer must have been in attendance. The officer writes that the Phish fans “cleaned up after themselves, leaving not a trace of their barefooted dance-fest. Smart questions, showed much respect for law enforcement as a whole and were just a cool and fun bunch.” The police officer continues, “Gluten free was never so much fun as that show.”Some kind words written in a bizarre note. Read the whole thing below: The full text is copied below, just in case the Bangor Maine PD retracts their social media offering:Please folks, if I gave you advice on financial decisions, food selection, roofing materials or what kind of flatware you should buy, ignore it. I know very little about those things.My idea of a good investment is one which returns just fifty percent of my initial outlay. Flatware pulled from the McDonald’s bag has been used on many a night in my little world and I think discarded street signs look pretty cool as a stopgap measure on the camp roof. I am not promoting taking street signs. I said discarded. Read all the words before contacting my supervisor.I rethought my first paragraph and have decided that my food selection skills are superb. Add a half a cap of apple cider vinegar to your drawn butter when using it dip your steamed clams or lobster. You will be thanking me soon after the meal, possibly naming your next child after me. This child will be well behaved, a heck of a pool player and will move out of your house after his or her 36th birthday. I was a late bloomer as well. Trust me. I work for the government. Get it right. Capital T. Capital C. Sounds like “easy”, and rearing him/her will be just that. Their middle name should be, Tangy-Goodness.What does all that rambling have to do with police work. Nothing. You expect too much from me.I need you to lock your stinking car doors. All over Bangor, we are dealing with a roaming dipstick or dipsticks that are ransacking your belongings, dropping your registration paperwork on the floor of the Civic and taking things of value. How hard is this for us? Obviously, it is tougher than I think.Lock your doors. Just use the little button on the remote, hold down the mushroom looking thingie on the door, push forward or backward on that tab near the handle. They even make it easy by marking it with orange. Lock it. Lock it. Lock it.This will stop much of the problem. Yes, there is the theory that by leaving it unlocked, they won’t break the window. If that is your decision and you want them to camp in your car, setting up one of those little Phish Concert, impromptu Barbecue Stands where they sell unrefrigerated Soy Hot dogs and ground Tofu to pedestrian traffic, feel free. I am going with the lock.Do not read the following paragraph if you were not offended by my mention of a Phish Concert Impromptu BBQ Stand. Skip ahead two paragraphs. Do not read between the asterisks.******Phish fans: I will add that I have never worked a concert with a more polite band of individuals. I met and conversed with some of the smartest and brightest people I ever met at a concert. They cleaned up after themselves, leaving not a trace of their barefooted dance-fest. Smart questions, showed much respect for law enforcement as a whole and were just a cool and fun bunch. Gluten free was never so much fun as that show. They didn’t even have to tell me they were vegetarians, vegans or Gluten free. I just knew. Do not be offended by my mention of the Phish Concert BBQ stand. I just notice these things.I did disagree with the nitrous oxide hits being sold along the waterfront. The purveyors even ran away from the sales area without giving us the finger. I appreciated that. Thank you.********Lock your car doors. People want to take you stuff. Remove valuables from your car. Lock your house doors and windows. Call if you see suspicious activity. Do not leave me a message on Facebook at 3 in the morning. CALL THE POLICE. You pay us to be here and we will be. Lock your doors.Have a great night. I am hungry for Soy.
Promoted ContentHere Are The Top 10 Tiniest Mobile Phones On The Planet!5 Of The World’s Most Unique Theme ParksTarantino’s Latest Effort Will Probably Be His Best To DateThe Very Last Bitcoin Will Be Mined Around 2140. Read MoreBest & Worst Celebrity Endorsed Games Ever Made8 Scenes That Prove TV Has Gone Too Far9 Facts You Should Know Before Getting A Tattoo10 Risky Jobs Some Women DoEver Thought Of Sleeping Next To Celebs? This Guy Will Show You10 Phones That Can Work For Weeks Without Recharging7 Ways To Understand Your Girlfriend Better10 Disney Characters Who Would Make Great Role Models “It’s no different with the manager now. He’s a serial winner. Wherever he goes he wins trophies, that’s a fact. “Whatever team he puts out [against Boro] will be a team he fully expects to win and it’s obvious the FA Cup is something he has an eye on. “The top four is harder now but when [Mourinho] took over we were 12 points behind [Chelsea] and we got it to three. We maybe took one step back but we have shown we can close the gap.” Spurs’ “step back” came in their last Premier League outing when they suffered a disappointing 1-0 defeat to table-topping Liverpool. Mourinho’s side had their chances in that game, with Rose looking to take positives from it heading into an important run of fixtures across multiple competitions. The England international left-back added: “It felt like one of the better performances we had over the Christmas period. Everyone’s gutted that we weren’t clinical enough to take one of our chances. “What hurts the most was that it was just a case of a lack of concentration from a throw-in. We managed to sort of control their world-class front three.” Read Also:Mourinho: I’m Not Jealous Of Man City, Liverpool While Tottenham did a decent job of containing Mohamed Salah, Sadio Mane and Roberto Firmino, the latter did net the only goal of the game to keep Spurs eighth in the table and nine points adrift of the top four. FacebookTwitterWhatsAppEmail分享 Loading… Jose Mourinho wins trophies “wherever he goes”, says Danny Rose, with the Portuguese expected to have Tottenham as serious challengers for the FA Cup in 2020. Tottenham Hotspur manager Jose Mourinho Spurs stumbled at the first hurdle in that competition this season, with a third-round replay due to be taken in with Middlesbrough on Tuesday. Edging past Championship opposition in north London would keep them in the hunt for major silverware, with Southampton waiting at the next stage. Mourinho is expected to prioritise domestic cup glory, with the former Chelsea and Manchester United boss having fared admirably in knockout tournaments before. His CV is littered with major silverware and he was appointed as successor to Mauricio Pochettino with the intention of delivering long-awaited success for Spurs. Rose believes the 56-year-old will end a barren run, but says Tottenham’s mindset has not changed despite former manager Pochettino having previously been quoted as saying that the Premier League title and Champions League are the only “real trophies”. “I’m not sure that Mauricio did [prioritise the League and Champions League],” Rose said. “Whoever we played, Mauricio wanted to win. Whatever team he put out, he fully believed that team could win.